Escatation Marionettes
by mschmnged
Summary: Dilly Shindou and Hiro-Folken’s band, Back Luck Enhancer, is rising to the top, but to push it along, Dilly Shindou needs inspiration… from Eri-who?warning! Massive humor amount! Those with weak humor may not survive…And this thing is a serious spoiler


**Esca-tation Marionettes**

By Meghan Ross (_AKA; mschfmnged_)

Rated **R**

Because of **language, homosexual, and sexual intentions**

Based on **Gravitation** and **Escaflowne**

**Humor**

**Summery**;

Dilly Shindou and Hiro-Folken's band, Back Luck Enhancer, is rising to the top, but to push it along, Dilly Shindou needs inspiration… from Eri-**_who_**?

**Warning**! _Massive_ humor amount! Those with weak humor may not survive…

And this thing is a _serious_ spoiler so stay away if u really haven't a clue.

…Oh…yeah… I don't own **Escaflowne** _orrr_ **Gravitation**. _grumble_

Now be a good Dilandau and **_burn_** the last thing I said to a crisp.

**O**ne pollen filled morning, Dilly Shindou woke up feeling rather soggy-assed.

"Goddammit..." he mumbled, tossing in the bed, "move **OVER** Hiro-Folken!"

"Mmph… this is **MY** camping cot so **YOU **move over."

"**_Hell_**, Hiro-Folken, can't you find any better apartment than your parent's closet?"

"Shut up and deal with it, or move your ass out."

Dilly Shindou just grunted and turned over. Hiro-Folken turned too as Dilly Shindou poked his back. They were practically nose to nose as Dilly Shindou whispered,

"Hey… Hiro-Folken… would you do _anything_ for me?"

Hiro-Folken smirked widely and whispered with a long hot breath,

"I'd unzip my pants for you."

"Uh…oh-_kay_… but would you keep a secret?"

"Mmm-hum."

"I think…"

"Yesss…?"

"I think you're a frigg'in little gay momma's boy."

"That was so hurtful… and yet _delightfully_ bad ass of you to say."

_Hiro-Folken is only here cuz of mommies' good eggplant cookies_

Dilly Shindou crawled out of the fetal position and quickly shoved on his favorite yellow banana suit. Hiro-Folken quickly proved that it _wasn't_ a good outfit for work, so Dilly Shindou put on his doggy suit. Once again Hiro-Folken said '_no way cosplay'_. Dilly gave in and shoved on a black and pink ensemble.

"_Jezzelauise_ Dilly Shindou, your gonna **_kill_** your balls in those pants."

"_No_, its fine, and can't you learn to swear a fsckin bit, huh? You no man."

"No, _you're_ no man. You're gay."

"**SHUT THE HELL UP**! You'll spoil the _story_, you **_fsckin bi-sexual freak_**!"

"All right, _all right_, but if you **do** kill your balls, you owe me the left nut."

"Let's just go to the studio. _freak_"

So Dilly Shindou and Hiro-Folken played _tag-your-the-cat-shit_ all the way to U.G.L.Y. studio. There, their manager interrogated Dilly Shindou.

"So did you finish the song?"

"Poop"

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Poopzilla"

"SHINDOU is that a YES or a NO?"

"Nope"

"Nope what?"

"nopenope."

"That's a no right?"

"Nope."

"**UGH! IM A FAILER AS A MANAGER**!"

"Yep."

"DON'T AGREE!"

"Nope."

"**UGH!**"

"I need inspiration" sighed Dilly Shindou.

"Like what? A _girlfriend_?" asked Hiro-Folken.

"If she's good at makin PB&J's with a side dish of Oreos."

"Well bye! Oh you'd like Mojo-boy's"

"What's that place?"

"A gay bar."

"**I SAID SHUT THE FSCK UP**!"

So Dilly Shindou took a walk to the Dust Bunnies Republic Park and sang in a high helium voice his new love lyrics.

"_That fat assed bitch is so damn fat and **–eieieie-** I hate it but we fsck all night but I donno what that's like cuz I've never really done it and **–eioueiou-** I don't wanna…" _Suddenly a bust of wind that was passed by that fat squirrel over there blew the lyrics out of his hands and at the feet of a hot blonde in a lavender disco tux. After reading them he said,

"Shit, you suck."

"Uhhh…what?"

"You _suck_."

"ummm repeat?"

"You suck like a drunken lard ass carpet salesman that sings about thread colors."

"How would you know?"

"I've heard one and I had to get my eardrums replaced with cardboard ones."

"Oh. But why do I suck?"

"Because you do."

"But why….."

_i'm going to spare you of the 5 hours of madness_

"**BECAUSE YOU JUST DO DAMMIT**! _Damn brat…_"

Dilly Shindou huffed up his chest and stood their sobbing. He turned to walk away, but saw a car speeding towards him. So he ran out in front of it and screamed, "**STOP!**!" It screeched to a halt and a familiar voice called out,

"Don't kill your self on _my_ car."

Dilly Shindou whirled around and saw the same hot blonde walking towards him.

"Goddammit, get away from my _Limited Addition Bozo the Clown_ remote control car."

"Talk to me."

"I am, dumbass."

"Why did you say my lyrics sucked?"

"Like I said before. They just **DO.** Now go home you damn brat."

So Dilly-Shindou went back to Hiro-Folken's closet and tried to resist torchingHiro-Folken's ukulele when he attempted to perform the triple flip banana spilt while playing "**What Makes the Monkey Dance?"** The land was extreme pain, and whadda ya know, Hiro-Folken was right… the pants did kill his balls.

That night, Dilly Shindou kicked Hiro-Folken of the cot for healing purposes. I know, I know, Dilly Shindou should have been kicked off cuz he didn't listen to Hiro-Folken, but Hiro-Folken's a pushover when it comes to flies. So Dilly Shindou gave him a whole roll of fly paper and Hiro-Folken spent the whole night outside trying to catch them.

The next morning Dilly Shindou re-dyed his hair half pink half silver. Then he went to work. But they _really_ didn't work. They just listened to Dilly Shindou's new love lyrics that he had crammed in that morning.

"So you didn't even _ask_ the mal-fscker's name, huh?"

"Nope. Man I feel lousy."

"Your flamethrowers over there."

"**WOW**! Thanks, Hiro-Folken!"

So Dilly Shindou torched the ladies room and the slacking workers to a crisp. Than came back and sat down.

"Feel better?"

"Yes…no…maybe…can you repeat the question?"

"Ummm… I forgot what it was. Pass those nastyass flavored pocky."

"No, _Twinkie Fungus_, I'm gonna torch somemore stuff."

"**NO DILLY SHINDOU! THE REMODLING FEES! NOOOO!**"_manager_

"Chill dude… no, wait… burn dude. Heh heh."

"**I HAVE FAILED YOU AS A MANAGER! I SHALL DIE!**"

And the manager _actually_ threw himself out the window and died. But his goast haunts the new manager to watch Dilly Shindou. Oh, and the new manager is Dilandau too, but his name is Mr. DK.

"Why is your name Mr. DK?" asked Dilly Shindou.

"It stands for Donkey Kong. Or Dilandau K. take your pick or ill kill you."

"Uh… I pick Mr. Droopy Killer."

Mr., DK pointed his little pea shooter at Dilly Shindou's head and fired off twenty rounds, but Dilly Shindou didn't die because his skull is so thick. Dilly Shindou threw a quick temper and he and Mr. DK had a flamethrower fight then sat down.

"Wait a _minute_…" Hiro-Folken shrieked, "Did you just call me a _Twinkie Fungus_?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Oh **no **you **_didn't!_**! Oh **_HELL_** no! Its **ON**!"

"Or _is_ it?" Dilly Shindou smirked, polishing his flamethrower.

"Don't point that fire thingy at **_me_**! That was **outlawed** anyway!"

"Not in Tokyo and not in fanfics."

"Oh… right." _sheepish_ "So Dilly Shindou…"

"Yeah, whatdda want Hiro-Folken?"_really cold_

_Dilly Shindou is pissed cuz Mr. DK torched his favorite all gay tight red shirt that said, __**'i'm so hot and gay that I eat pillow shit'**._

"You love him don't you?"

"**WHAT THE FSCK! I HATE HIM! _LOOK_ AT MY PILLOW SHIT SHIRT**!"

"_Noooo…_ the hot blonde."

"Huh?"

"_The…hot…blonde…?_ Was that slow enough for you?"

"Not really."

"Well…"

"Well what?"

"Do you love him?"

"**WHAT DID I _TELL_ YOU**?"

"Nothing really."

"Oh. Yeah I do."

_a few moments of shock_

"Uh… you weren't supposed to give in that quickly."

"Like I give a damn."

"Oh."

"Um… I kinda can't see the cue cards. Do I have another line?"

"No… I don't think so."

"You sure? Nothing about fires… or gay crap…"

"Nuh uh. We already did that part."

"… how bout the pillows… anything about the pillo…"

"**DON'T EVEN START THAT**!"

Mr. DK sensed embarrassment in the air and flew to the source for the feeding frenzy.

"What's this? Whad' I hear? Someone say _embarrassment_?"

"Uh…"_sweat drop_

Mr. DK pulled out his Sig Saucer and aimed at Dilly Shindou's head.

"Oh **Mr. DK**, I'd be in **pure ecstasy** to tell you!"

"**OH GOD NO! HE'LL GO FULL DETAIL**!"

"You see, he was all '_uh**uh**_**'** and I was all '_haha_', ya know? And he…"

_ding_

"Ok, I better back up, you see, Hiro-Folken was all '_you so **fluffy**'_ and I was all '_Hiro-Folken that's a **pillow**'_ but he was all '_sleepy sleepy'_ and I was all '_hoho_' and he was all '_uh**uh**_' and '_grunty**grunty**_' and the hotel lady was all '_ew**ew**_" and…"

_ding ding_

Hiro-Folken hung his red face in dismay and Mr.DK half smiled because it sounded funny, and half smiled because he was afraid of what Dilly Shindou would do if he didn't.

"So…uh… you dig?"

"_Sure_…"

"You know, this has _nothing_ to do with the story."

"Like I give a crap. This story is getting nowhere and I wanna torch somethin'."

"Oh."

So after Dilly Shindou burnt **3/4ths** of Sweden screaming

"**_SHOVE THAT CHEESE UP YOUR PIE HOLE… CHEESE HOLE!_**"

Then ran half way across Tokyo looking for the hot blonde's apartment which he really didn't know where it was and was stupid enough not to ask Hiro-Folken for directions or a lift on his hot tricycle with pompoms on the handle bars. But he wouldn't be able to anyway cuz Hiro-Folken got his tricycle permit taken for illegally doing doughnuts in the firemen's driveway while screaming

"**_SPARE THE BUTTERFIES FROM EXCTINTTION!"_**

Anyway after three days he took a wild guess and went up to a house and tried to break in.

"What the _hell_ are you doing to my house, ya damn brat?"

"**Hey**! You're that hunky blonde from the park that ate _my_ fungus sandwiches!"

"No, that was the dog. I'm the one that said you sucked. _What are you doing_?"

"I was gonna torch your house but…"

"You're in _love_ with me right?" the hunky blonde sighed exasperatedly.

"Uh-huh."

_moment of shock_

"Uhhh… you weren't supposed to admit that yet …ya damn brat."

"Like I said, this damn fanfic is getting no where."

"But now we can't do the part where my sister comes out and I cuddle you."

"_Cuddle_ me later you freak, and see what happens to your pretty boy face."

"_Awww_…okkk… **HITOMI! GO HOME**!"

_off stage_

"**But but but**!"

"**NO** **BUTTS! YOU CAN TOUCH VAN-AWA'S OF ASK!"**

"That'd be _funny_." Commented Dilly Shindou.

"Why?"

"Cuz you won't _believe_ what he did when Hiro-Folken tried to touch it!"

"Maybe that's because he's homophobic, ya damn brat."

"Sure…_right_…" _sarcastic_

"So whad he do?"

"You know his metal arm, right?"

"Oooo"

"The tranquilizers weren't working so I had to club him and do the operation myself."

"I see. So Van ripped off his whole arm?"

"No… he just bit his hand… but I figured he might have rabies so what the heck."

"…Ummm… so should we skip right to the make out?"

"Hell yeah. Get your hot ass over here."

"Don't you wanna know what my name is? You skipped the TV part."

"Only if you gimmie some matches and a printer."

"What's the printer for?"

"_Sure_ you wanna ask?"

"Not really. My name is Eri-Allen, ya damn brat."

"Shut the fsck up and gimmie some tongue."

So Dilly Shindou and Eri-Allen made out all tongue like until Dilly Shindou bit Eri-Allen's tongue playfully and demanded for his matches and printer.

And you really don't want to know what he did with it.

To cut this short, Eri-Allen's attitude was hot and cold and Dilly Shindou made sure it stayed hot by torching down his apartment and five others. Then the grand puppeteer that controlled their lives demanded that they fsck on the second day. Dilly Shindou put up a scene.

"**_DAMMIT_ THIS IS IT! THAT'S _LAST_ MATCHSTICK! I WILL _NOT_ BE ON ****THE BOTTOM! TELL PRETTY BOY HERE _HE_ HAS TO BE ON ****THE BOTTOM! AND _HOW_ DO WE KNOW HES A BOY? HES _SO_ THE ****GIRL IN THIS FSCKING RELATIONSHIP! I WILL _NOT_ PARTICIPATE UNTILL THE FUSCKIN' ANTS HAVE _FLOWN_, GODDAMMIT!"**

"Umm… Dilly Shindou, some ants _can_ fly." Eri-Allen added.

"**SHUT THE HELL UP _BITCH_**!"

"I am not a _dog_! I am a beautiful butterfly!" _wayyy confident_

_in the distance Hiro-Folken yells_, "**SAVE THE DEFENSELESS BUTTERFIES**!"

anyway, back to Dilly Shindou,

"**I AM STILL _NOT_ ON THE BOTTOM YOU FREAK! YOU'RE _ALL_ FIRED**!"

_a deep voice from above says_,

"**_Dilly Shindou, you will make love to pretty boy… I mean Eri-Allen, and you will be on the bottom, understand?"_**

"**WHY? WHATCHA GONNA _DO_ ABOUT IT?"**

"**_Eri-Allen must retrieve back his manly side despite his hair. (He maybe a bit clumsy… but he was worse last week… couldn't even hold his dingy straight to wee wee.) _****_And I could staple your skin so tight that you look…uh…UGLY!"_**

"**AHGH! _NOOO_! I'LL _BURN_ YOU TO _ALL_ TO HELL! AND YOU'LL **

**_BURN_ THERE TOO**!"

"**_I went there once. It was attacked and overruled by water sprites. The fires gone_**."

"**_NOOOOO_! MY LIFES _ONE_ _PLEASURABLE_ GOAL!"**

"**_Make fscking Eri-Allen your goal_**."

"**YOU SICK _BASTARD_! I _NEVER_ AGREED TO THIS! I MAYBE IN THIS FANFIC BUT I'M _NOT_ _THAT_ _SICK_! IM _NOT_ THE GIRL…_UGH!"_**

Suddenly Dilly Shindou went into a spaz and he changed in Celena Yuki.

"oh my." she whimpered as Dilly Shindou's tank top and pants slid right off her body leaving her clutching nothing but his/her llama fluff boxers to herself. Eri-allen choked and cried,

"But but but i'm not _straight_! And that's my _sister_! _Ewwww**…**_"

"**_Hum…"_** observered **The Voice**. "**_And she's got no chest anyway_**."

"Meanie!" she cried. "That's my weak spot!" and Celena Yuki crumpled to the floor.

"**_Ahwell_**." Said **The Voice**, "**_Dilly Shindou and Eri-Allen didn't make a good couple. They're supposed to hate each other. Maybe Dryden Saguchi, U.G.L.Y. president _****_and keyboarder of Weirdo Grasper would be better…"_**

"No it wouldn't! He's a _perv_! Wait… so am I! Wow."

Eri-Allen ran off looking for his non-existent pimp mobile to find Dryden Saguchi.

_meanwhile, in the high place…_

"**_Hehehehehe! The Voice has commanded you to stop filming! Ahhh… the sweet life of ruining Dilly Shindou's life. ASK will prevail! By the power of Van-awa of ASK!"_**

Van-awa of ASK broke into extreme villainous giggling as he sat back and put down his realistic voodoo puppeteer marionette's controls. Then he noticed one was missing… _Mr. DK's_?

"**_BURN _YOU BASTARD!"**

Mr.DK crawled out from under the shag rug with Dilly Shindou's flamethrower, Firing at everything.

"**_WHAT_?MR. DK, WHATS THE _FSCKIN_ MEANING OF THIS?"**

"**I SAID _DIE_!"**

"**_NO_! WHATS GOIN' _ON_, DAMMIT?"**

"I am _not_ Mr.DK! Well… I guess I kinda _am_… but Mr. DK's conscience was taken over by Dilly Shindou! That bitch, Celena, told me to move out of her brain cuz I kinda ruin her reputation a lot. It was a small living space anyway so it's not like I did it cuz _she_ told me to!"

"Oh." Van-awa of ASK had nothing else to say.

"so um... die?"

"Nah… I've got Meruru and Hitomi waiting to be fscked backstage."

"Can I join?"

"Only if you bring a condom. Hitomi _INSTISTS_."

"_Oh_. But… I kinda burned my last one. And the other ones. Burnt rubber smells _funky_."

"Yeah. Ummm... use a bit of that garbage bag."

"K."

"I guess we gotta stop the fanfic, huh?"

"Yeah."

"So whada I say to 'em?"

"I donno… 'Fsck off, it's over'?"

"Um…k. I'm lazy so I don't wanna repeat it… so… whatever it was that he said."

So… what choo peeps think?

Oh um I really _don't_ have anything against any of the characters in case u thought I was a bit rough on them. I _love _them all to _pieces_! And, yeah, Allen _could_ be gay and Dilly _is_ a pretty boy **_too_**, but I love Dilly so I wouldn't call him that and instead keep him to myself.

_hey… what are you…Is that **my** name? **What did u write**? **TELL ME YOU BITCH! **_

_NOTHING_ Dilly _nothing_ at all… (_Wink wink_)

_what was the wink wink? **What **was the **wink wink?**? _

**Nothingnothingnothing**… now have some booze and go back in my conscience.

_nugh _

**Phew**. Good thing he can't hold his liquor. And that stuff in Escaflowne wasn't really booze, it was **punch**. (_Safety safety) _If u _wanna_ leave a comment, u know where to leave one. I'm _really_ tired so I'm not gonna write no more tonite. Watch choo bums.


End file.
